I started the month being as mindful and enthusiastic about my goal as possible (time to get out there and be nice...yeah!), then reality sunk in and I was bombarded with bills, PMS, a class of whining teenagers, a pile of laundry, and two big snow storms. I really have every reason to be a positive and grateful person, but I often let everyday mishaps and annoyances put me into a grumpy mood. It would be so much easier to be happy and nice all the time if I lived on the beach, visited a spa and mall each day, and had an entourage of maids and cooks at my service. Maybe the Dalai Lama knew what he was talking about when he said to practice compassion because it doesn’t necessarily come easy in the real world. If I learned anything about myself this month it is that, even when I feel stressed, tired, and irritable, I need to always strive and put effort towards being a genuinely kind and generous person.
February started with almost two weeks of being snowed in at home with my husband and dog. With cabin fever setting in and not having as many enthusiastic greetings or compliments to give out as I planned, my month started with an attempt to simply NOT say anything mean or negative. It’s kinda sad, really. I would say I’m friendly and helpful to 99% of the strangers and acquaintances I run into each day, yet the people I love and see the most don’t always get the same five-star treatment. My husband has known for many years to not take it personal if he doesn’t get a smile or a sentence out of me before I’ve had a cup of coffee and at least 30 minutes to wake up in the morning. With my hair disheveled and eyes half-closed, I’ll even insist he not speak because his natural morning energy is just way too much. I had to give myself a pep talk at first, but this month I forced myself to get out of bed with a smiling, “Good morning!” Ok, so I didn’t remember EVERY day, but the more I did this type of thing, the happier and more positive I truly started to feel. I even held back from complaining about someone’s clothes and dishes lying around the house and decided to quietly and nicely put them away myself each day. Regardless of what my natural inclination is, I don’t want to be a grouchy, nagging wife and mother my whole life, so I’m now learning to make these pep talks a regular part of my day.
I also tried "meditating on compassion,” which is something that has been taught by many spiritual leaders, peacemakers, psychiatrists and Yoga teachers around the world. The purpose is to practice becoming a more compassionate and grateful person from the inside out. When I couldn't sleep at night, was taking a bath, or was on a walk, I would concentrate on kind thoughts about each one my friends, family members, and neighbors. I would imagine them getting good news or think about the qualities in them I am most grateful for, and in the process, I was effortlessly replacing what might have been worrisome or negative thoughts with compassionate thoughts that ultimately improved my mood, my sleep habits, and even my relationships. This is perhaps the easiest way to practice compassion, not to mention many people believe, as I do, that our thoughts (and emotions and prayers) have a confounding, powerful ability to affect people and the world around us.
I did give more compliments and words of encouragement than usual, but I also let not-so-nice things slip out on occasion. I also never found the perfect chance to buy a stranger’s coffee or to put someone’s shopping cart away, and maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough, but these are the types of things I would like to have said I did all month long. If anything, I can honestly say this month has made me more mindful of how I treat people and it has inspired me to continue working towards being a kinder, more selfless person.
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